So today's topic is: Body image and parenting. No Dad, this is not a sneaky way of telling you I'm pregnant. In fact, it has to do with my mother's body image and how it affects my own.
I always deeply respected my mother and I don't think I would ever be able to write this if she were still around to read it because I know it would hurt to hear. However, I made a connection today as I glanced at my reflection in the glass of the entrance to my office. My train-of-thought was something like "I'm losing weight but, ugh, I still have my mother's thighs. I so have her shape! Will I ever be hot?" And that's when I caught myself. When people tell me that I'm attractive, I won't listen because I have aspects that remind me of my mother's body. "So why is that?" I asked myself. "So my mother was curvy. Most men like curvy women." But I quickly knew the answer. I remember many times when my mother would be down on herself, telling me she never liked her body, saying negative things about her shape, and very few times when she was feeling confident and comfortable in her skin. I remember thinking what a shame it was that she didn't love herself more but it also solidified my view of what I was "suppose" to look like and gave me unattainable goals of what I wanted to look like which was basically the opposite of what I was hardwired for.
I think this outlook, taught at a very young age by parents and other role-models, causes young women and men to turn that same skewed mirror on themselves. We learn to nit-pick our faults and blow them out of proportion and gloss over the beauty that others see. We learn that it is acceptable to say negative things about ourselves but to say good things is to brag and be big-headed. Isn't it a shame how socially acceptable it is to be cruel to yourself on a daily basis, but so socially unacceptable to vocally adore yourself?
I know my mother could never have guessed that I'd see her reflected in me one day and that I'd hear those negative words she said about herself reverberating about my own body, but I guess that's the point I'm trying to make. Parents, love yourselves and teach your children to do the same thing! Your children look up to you and hold you as a standard by which they measure themselves.
My goal is to work on adoring myself without guilt! And I challenge you to do the same!
