Hiking Tips for the Apocalypse

One thing I've discovered this month is that I am addicted to hiking. I love it. And not just when escaping flooding, enemy invasion, or zombies who can't climb hills well. I would go everyday if it weren't for the fear of Mountain Lions making me into a cheeseburger.

Tip #1 - Mountain Lions want to eat you.

"Sssh. I just want to cuddle."

There have been several sightings in the hills and neighborhoods around the trails I hike. Mornings and evenings are when they come out and unfortunately those are the only times on weekdays I'm able to go, so I'm limited to Saturday and Sunday.

So it's time to find out if punching a Mountain Lion is the only way to protect myself from these guys.

Tip #2 - Don't eat poison.

When the apocalypse happens, I may not have time to whip up several batches of superfood smoothies, so I've decided it's time to become knowledgeable about the wildlife of Southern California so I'll know which plants fit into my new "eat well" lifestyle (ie. the ones that won't kill me).

"I knew this plant was delicious before the apocalypse."- Hipster Raw Vegan

Tip #3- Carry something stabby.

Because MOUNTAIN LIONS!
 

Tip #4- Be open to social interactions.

I have several apocalypse contingency plans, one of which is being friendly with the neighbors solely for the reason that I may have to rely on them for supplies. But it may also come to a point where I'm injured on the trail somewhere because I just beat up a cougar and a stranger happens along.

"I come prepared for every situation, milady."

Now, my initial response would probably be to say calmly "I HAVE A KNIFE. I PUNCHED A CAT! DANDELIONS!!" I'm assuming, here, that I may be a little panicked and dehydrated. But the appropriate reaction might be to assess the stranger's danger level (I would still definitely say that to the guy above) and perhaps let him assist me. You never know, one might even find love on the road to apocalyptic salvation.

"I'm here to rescue you. I...I got a little warm on the hike up here."