Thoughts on body image.

Guess what? Turns out I'm not gone forever! I feel like I have more to say about staying positive and the process of self-betterment.

So today's topic is: Body image and parenting. No Dad, this is not a sneaky way of telling you I'm pregnant. In fact, it has to do with my mother's body image and how it affects my own.


I always deeply respected my mother and I don't think I would ever be able to write this if she were still around to read it because I know it would hurt to hear. However, I made a connection today as I glanced at my reflection in the glass of the entrance to my office. My train-of-thought was something like "I'm losing weight but, ugh, I still have my mother's thighs. I so have her shape! Will I ever be hot?" And that's when I caught myself. When people tell me that I'm attractive, I won't listen because I have aspects that remind me of my mother's body. "So why is that?" I asked myself. "So my mother was curvy. Most men like curvy women." But I quickly knew the answer. I remember many times when my mother would be down on herself, telling me she never liked her body, saying negative things about her shape, and very few times when she was feeling confident and comfortable in her skin. I remember thinking what a shame it was that she didn't love herself more but it also solidified my view of what I was "suppose" to look like and gave me unattainable goals of what I wanted to look like which was basically the opposite of what I was hardwired for.



I think this outlook, taught at a very young age by parents and other role-models, causes young women and men to turn that same skewed mirror on themselves. We learn to nit-pick our faults and blow them out of proportion and gloss over the beauty that others see. We learn that it is acceptable to say negative things about ourselves but to say good things is to brag and be big-headed. Isn't it a shame how socially acceptable it is to be cruel to yourself on a daily basis, but so socially unacceptable to vocally adore yourself?


I know my mother could never have guessed that I'd see her reflected in me one day and that I'd hear those negative words she said about herself reverberating about my own body, but I guess that's the point I'm trying to make. Parents, love yourselves and teach your children to do the same thing! Your children look up to you and hold you as a standard by which they measure themselves.

My goal is to work on adoring myself without guilt! And I challenge you to do the same!

The End??

I'm actually tearing up as I write this entry. I can't believe this amazing year has come to an end. I can't believe what a journey of self-discovery, self-acceptance and love it has been. I am so so glad I did this and that no matter the bumps, I kept moving forward, being forgiving, and laughing at myself along the way. And thank you so much for coming along on this journey with me! Even though, sometimes, I feel that I'm talking into the abyss, I always know at least one person is along for the ride.

As in, what has two thumbs and has been along for this ride.

And even if it were just for her, that would still be ok. But I've had so many people share their support for this project and I'm so thankful for that.

The year did not go or end up as planned, but I think that it went exactly the way it was supposed to. When I started out I was very focused on molding myself into the most perfect physical specimen that this body could muster. But instead of finding happiness through physical perfection I found it through self-discovery.  And there are a lot of things I still hope to master one day.

This being the main one.

But look how far I've come! I went from the crashing crests and troughs of depression to even-keel; I gave up things I thought I needed (internet, netflix, a TV) and then kept on going;  I sold most of my stuff, moved out of my much-missed Burbank apartment and booked flights to Peru and Ireland to begin my world travels; joined the Red Cross and applied to the Peace Corps; got some articles published; became vegan; gained a lot of knowledge; but most importantly, learned how to be my own friend. It sounds funny to say it that way, but friendship encompasses the compassion, forgiveness, companionship, give-and-take, and love that I've discovered along the way.

So is this the end of this journey? Of this blog?

Obviously the journey does not end. I hope to continuously set challenges for myself, jumping for joy when I achieve them, and giggling like a guilty child when I don't. As for this blog, we shall see. But I have started a new blog for the next chapter, the world travel chapter.  So I hope you'll join me there!

http://bethanyfoundwandering.wordpress.com/

Month 12 wrap up

Ok, so it may be terrible, but I'm retroactively renaming the last month "Give Back" because that's what it ended up being (and probably should have been from the beginning). I did, twice, attempt to look up information on working on my lisp at home but didn't get much out of it, and I did buy a SpinBrush last night! But alas, the Teeth and Speech should have been knocked off the list a long time ago when, for months, I kept pushing it back and back until it ended up here at the end.

BUT, I am not going to be hard on myself for not accomplishing that goal because it's not as if I didn't accomplish anything in my final month! Instead, let me share what I did accomplish!

I pained a vintage poster. I rock! Ok, no, no I didn't.

I've taken 10 training classes with the Red Cross this month, including Shelter Management, Disaster Action Team Orientation, Basic Food Safety, Defensive Driving, and passed the Emergency Response Vehicle exam which means I can now, in the case of a local or national emergency, be called to drive one of these puppies:

Oop. Nope. I meant...

Yep. There ya go.

ERVs are used to bring food and supplies to areas affected by disasters. As a certified ERV driver, I may now get a call or an email asking if I'm willing to volunteer as a driver or crew on a call that requires the ERVs. It may include driving one across country to a national disaster or driving it to a site nearby to serve snacks to firefighters working on a wild fire.

I've also signed up to be on call for the DAT team (Disaster Action Team), which means every shift that I'm signed up for could mean a call to a house-fire or some other disaster for which the Red Cross would send assistance. It could mean helping apartment dwellers at 3 am find somewhere to stay after a fire in their building or bringing food and water to the first responders. And I've done my first Shelter shift, spending 8pm to 6am at a shelter set up for those displaced by an apartment fire.

I also made a huge step this month by submitting my Peace Corp application!

The process has already started out bumpy but I'm going to keep forging on and hope to make that life-goal a reality.

I don't recall if it was something I mentioned in this blog or elsewhere, but I had a thought a few months back that my next life project should be "30 years selfish, 30 years selfless". I spent the first 30 years of my life focusing mainly on what I wanted for myself and what I thought I had coming to me in life. But now I'm finding that life doesn't really work that way and that giving back is a thousand times more rewarding.

The twelfth month begins!!

Can you believe it, readers?? This will be the last month in my year-long adventure! I'll save the reflection on it all for the end of the month, but it just blows my mind that
(a. A whole year has almost gone by
(b. That I've stuck with it for this long
(c. That I've stuck with it for this long

AND I kept up the blog!

Where do I get me one of these?

 Ok, enough self-congratulations. Let's get on with Month 12! Teeth and Speech.

I was about 26 years old when I discovered that I have a lisp. That's right folks. That's how un-self-aware I am. This nice guy with a lisp started talking to me at a party and pretty soon he thought we'd be in league together, "You have a lisp too!" he said. And I was like "No I don't." Apparently, not only am I not self-aware, but I'm kind of a jerk.

Is what that guy should have said.

 
I inherited a small under-bite from my Dad's side of the family which is what I attribute to this small lisp. And for several years now I've been wanting to get invisalign to fix the problem, hoping that would also get rid me of the lisp. But now with my planned travels ahead, I can't fork out the dough. So instead, this month will be about learning ways to strengthen my tongue to form certain sounds properly, especially "s".

Also, I've been a little concerned about my teeth with my vegan diet, as I've heard sometimes improperly balanced vegan diets can lack the proper nutrition to keep one's chompers nice and healthy. And I may look into whitening, or at least research the topic to see if it's recommended or not.

Here's to a healthy mouth!

Harrison Ford saves the day...again.

This morning I came across an article about the amazing Harris Ford out saving the world again.

Ladies and Gentlemen: the face of a badass.

Not only does he save galaxies, in real life he has saved  lost hikers, stranded boy scouts, AND now the rainforest. He is the "poster boy" (and more) for a group called Conservation International. Over at their website, you can measure your Carbon Footprint and Eco Footprint and make a donation to offset it if you wish.

What is sustainable living?

I honestly didn't know the answer to this question until I googled it a half an hour ago. So here is what wikipedia has to say

Sustainable living is a lifestyle that attempts to reduce an individual's or society's use of the Earth's natural resources and personal resources. Practitioners of sustainable living often attempt to reduce their carbon footprint by altering methods of transportation, energy consumption, and diet. Proponents of sustainable living aim to conduct their lives in ways that are consistent with sustainability, in natural balance and respectful of humanity's symbiotic relationship with the Earth's natural ecology and cycles.

After reading several blogs about best ways to live sustainably, I realized I was already doing or interested in starting to do a lot of them. Here is a list I compiled of things I'd like to work on or what I've already started during this year project.

• Become a minimalist. One blog said, "Buying less stuff means you are contributing less to the consumer/waste cycle." Another said "Downsize - smaller car, house, job. Become downwardly mobile." I like the sound of that.
• Cut back on paper towel use. This is something I really need to work on. I use paper towels for everything because I get grossed out when towels are dirty and won't use them.
• Cook in. Stop eating out. My roommate and I are really working on this at the moment.
• Turn it off. I need to get better at turning off lights and unplugging things.
• Turn off TV indefinitely- As you may remember from my past entries, I've been working on this already.
• Simple cleaning solutions. I like the idea of using simple things like baking soda to clean up.
• Use what you've got. This is something else I've been mastering while getting rid of all my belongings. One blog suggested "Get rid of two similar things for every new thing."
• Shop locally. My roommate and I have been purchasing the veggie bags from the local farmer, a service provided by my company. But we could stand to do more shopping at farmer's markets.
• Reusable bags.  We do our best to remember these whenever we go for a large shopping trip, but I need to make sure I have some in my car for those days I end up stopping by a store for something quick.
• Buy secondhand everything. This is another thing I really picked up on through my year. When selling awesome stuff on craigslist and amazon, it makes you realize you can also find awesome stuff there too.
• Line dry clothes. This is something I'd like to try more. It's a bit hard not having much room in a shared apartment, but it's probably something I'm going to have/want to do while I'm traveling anyway.
• Eat less meat!  Done and done! :D
• Quit buying bottled water.  This is a good one to remember. I usually have my metal reusable bottles with me, but every once in awhile I'll buy plastic, forgetting how bad that is!
• Try homeopathic remedies first before going to doctor. Even though I haven't done much research into medicines, I do feel some of the food research I've done falls into this category.
• Shorter, fewer showers.  The lazy side of me loves the idea of this! But I do also enjoy not smelling and having greasy hair. But shorter is something I can do my best to work on!
• Green burial.  This was something I'd never thought about, but seemed interesting enough to look into.
• Learn to sew. I can do a bit on my own, but this was something I'd been interested in working on during my year.
• No more elevators. Something I try to do when I can, but should make more of an effort into.
• Get dirty. I feel the call of soil in my hands. I don't have a garden or a ditch to dig, but I think this will be something I'll look forward to in my volunteer work abroad.
• Learn to forage wild edibles.  This is something I'd love to learn more about. It kind of falls into the 'being prepared for the apocalypse' theme I seem to have picked up lately.
• Wash clothes less and in cold water. Another that appeals to lazy Bethany. But again, it's a fine line to walk between sustainable and 'smelling like a hippy'.
• Green wedding.  Another interesting concept to ponder.
• Avoid buying things in styrofoam or plastic. Avoid unnecessary packaging and one-use plastic containers. This is a major one I want to work on. I buy things without considering what kind of waste they are producing. Although, I have moved away from buying produce at Trader Joe's for this reason.
• Organic foods. Something I've been doing much better at over this last year.
• Eat seasonally.  I began doing some research on this, but didn't quite follow up entirely. However, if you are buying locally, you will tend to end up only getting things that are in season.
• Reduce amount of processed food you consume.  Another part of the diet change I instituted this year. But I could still use more work.

And finally, one blog recommended the Y.E.R.T documentary to further explore this topic, so that is something I will look into seeing.

Man, there are a lot of links on this post.

The Peace Corps question

An ongoing question I am wrastling with ("to wrastle"- a verb coined by Chaucer, apparently, and then used repetitively and irresponsibly by my high school principle) is whether or not I should join the Peace Corps. The question is not really whether or not the Peace Corps will be an amazing and life-changing experience, but more-so whether or not it really fulfills the goals I'm working toward with my travels and my life.

I've been pretty set on the idea, having made a few strategic moves to make my application even stronger, such as taking on a TESL class and getting certified with first aid and CPR. However, some of the aspects of serving in the Peace Corps do not appeal to me as strongly, such as the possibility of being in one remote place for the entire assignment. Also, it will be a challenge to work out how to get my student loans sorted out while I'm gone since I can't defer all of them.

I want to serve in another country, it is something I've felt drawn to for many years, but I have to really decide if the Peace Corps format is right for me. I've been reading several blogs about other options, such as finding volunteer opportunities wherever you are at. That idea sort of appeals to me. Mainly, I just want to get my hands dirty and do something that seems to make a difference for people who are really in need. But since I am not a trained nurse or architect or something, my options are sort of limited.

As you can see, I do not have it all figured out yet, but I will continue to push my Peace Corps application through since the process is known to take up to a year and I will continue to consider the idea as I immerse myself in world-wide travel.