In January 2010, my mother died of brain, bone, everywhere cancer. She had survived two boughts of breast cancer through my youth, the first time when I was 11. She had a minor heart attack when I was in college because of the chemo weakening her heart. She died at age 65, when I was 27. We were very close.
At the end of 2010, my longest, most serious relationship came to an end after almost 2 years. Already in a fog of depression from my mother's passing, this was enough to push me further down and the depression clung on for 2 years, up until May 2012, Month 1 of my Year.
Earlier this year, the depression had become so immobilizing, so paralyzing, that I sought therapy.
Recently, I was having a rough time communicating with a loved one about how I was feeling and why I was acting the way I was, when I suddenly came up with the idea. There were so many things I wanted to learn to better myself and be a more happy adult, and if I were to take them one at a time, I could probably manage it. I had waited around for years for someone to come and take me by the hand and guide me through these discoveries. I guess I finally realized that no one was coming and it was on me to figure it out for myself.
So I plotted out the plan, and even though friends warned me to make sure I had everything meticulously planned before I started, I wanted to get going right away. No more waiting around. No more worrying. Just do it. So May started, and ready or not, I began. I started off slow, trying to eat healthier, as best as I knew how. I read some articles online. Then one day I decided to watch some documentaries on food that I'd heard of. When the first one started I was thinking "oh no, this isn't one of those weird films about people pushing crazy veganism is it?" It was Food Matters and it was discussing the Gerson Therapy for healing cancer and other diseases. And by the end, my whole way of thinking had changed. No longer was there a "crazy veganism". Then I watched Fat, Sick and Nearly Dead, and I was moved to tears. And since that day I've been doing what I can to eat raw fruits and veggies as my main staple, and supplementing with whole grains and small portions of fish as I ween myself towards a juice reboot. I've continued learning and honing since then, but even from that first day when I decided to make my main diet raw veggies and fruit, I've felt a total change. My mood has been even keel and controllable. I haven't felt that paralyzing depression creep back in. A week and half later, I quit my therapist and she made no arguments. She even seemed to be inspired by my plan and by the changes she saw in me.
I've realized that because of all that my mother went through, I've lived with "fact" that I'll most likely get cancer one day, too. What I've learned through these documentaries and my reading is that that doesn't have to be the case. I can give my body what it needs now so those sicknesses have a harder time getting to me.
The funny thing is that we all know what will make us live healthier, longer lives. We know that we need lots of fruits and vegetables, fiber and nutrients, to keep us running smoothly, but there are so many lies and veils in food marketing that actually eating healthier takes paying a little more attention and seeing through all of that. It also takes us going from "knowing" to knowing.
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