The top of that list is Friends-- I'm starting to realize that until recently, I've been blind to so many amazing qualities that my friends possess. Their selflessness, their kindness, their support. I'm blown away at how easy it is to take loved ones for granted when you are unhappy and looking inward all the time, instead of out. The more I get comfortable in my own skin and learn to like myself, the more I feel gratitude to those who have been by my side through this journey. They teach me so much about what it means to be a friend and I'm so glad I have them to look to as examples. My original schedule had included a month to work on relationships, but it seems that this has come organically through the process, and I'm SO glad it has! I really want to hug someone right now!
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| I was feeling all warm and fuzzy until her neck creeped me out. |
Moving on!
I thought this also might be a good time to explain how I have NOT mastered every subject I've studied, I have NOT kept up with everything I learned, and that is OK.
I'm holding steady with staying away from all animal products in my diet and avoiding gluten as much as possible, but I won't stand here before you today and say that I eat über healthy all the time. I've found my 'cheats' and I'm only human. I eat entire frozen vegan/gluten free pizzas in one sitting; I eat chips, and so on. I do hope to refocus on my diet and make sure I'm getting my 50% veggies in every meal. But I've found how important it is to not allow myself to associate food with guilt. If I hate myself for eating that pizza, then I start down a shame spiral that is hard to recover from. The stress causes me to continue to eat poorly and punish myself. And this year is not about punishing myself. It is about learning and progress. So I keep my sense of humor and I move on.
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| I was going to illustrate with another silly picture, but instead I found this actually very useful and to-the-point chart |
I'll confess, I still do not wash my face every night or groom my hair with all the tips I learned in month 4. But I'm getting better. It will take awhile and more work to build healthy habits for myself. But the process of learning and taking care of myself through those early months has developed this feeling of self-nurturing which spurs self-respect and love. I do think to myself, "I will do better", but I don't think "Bethany, you should be doing x and y".
And finally, I'm finding that as I face challenges and fears, larger and scarier ones keep present themselves. I start off having the idea come to my mind and thinking "I don't know if I could ever do that." And then a few weeks later, it is already in motion. For instance, a few entries back I spoke of the Reverse 100 items challenge. Picking 100 items was difficult, but before I even finished getting rid of all of those things, I came to a decision to move in with my friend and sell most of my stuff in the process. In fact, my ultimate goal has now become to get rid of everything I can't fit into a suitcase so that later on in the year I can travel unencumbered! That's right folks! I made the decision to pick up from this place and see where life takes me! I will keep you up-to-date on all of my challenges, decisions, goals, plans, etc as I haven't quite figured out what this new goal will mean, entirely. But I have something to work towards and it is scary and exciting! So stay tuned!
I've had a couple people ask, so I wanted to say here and now, please feel free to steal any of my ideas for your own journey/self-improvement/year plan. I highly encourage anyone who is ready to do this for themselves! And if you have questions or need advice, I'd love to help if I can.
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