Thoughts on body image.

Guess what? Turns out I'm not gone forever! I feel like I have more to say about staying positive and the process of self-betterment.

So today's topic is: Body image and parenting. No Dad, this is not a sneaky way of telling you I'm pregnant. In fact, it has to do with my mother's body image and how it affects my own.


I always deeply respected my mother and I don't think I would ever be able to write this if she were still around to read it because I know it would hurt to hear. However, I made a connection today as I glanced at my reflection in the glass of the entrance to my office. My train-of-thought was something like "I'm losing weight but, ugh, I still have my mother's thighs. I so have her shape! Will I ever be hot?" And that's when I caught myself. When people tell me that I'm attractive, I won't listen because I have aspects that remind me of my mother's body. "So why is that?" I asked myself. "So my mother was curvy. Most men like curvy women." But I quickly knew the answer. I remember many times when my mother would be down on herself, telling me she never liked her body, saying negative things about her shape, and very few times when she was feeling confident and comfortable in her skin. I remember thinking what a shame it was that she didn't love herself more but it also solidified my view of what I was "suppose" to look like and gave me unattainable goals of what I wanted to look like which was basically the opposite of what I was hardwired for.



I think this outlook, taught at a very young age by parents and other role-models, causes young women and men to turn that same skewed mirror on themselves. We learn to nit-pick our faults and blow them out of proportion and gloss over the beauty that others see. We learn that it is acceptable to say negative things about ourselves but to say good things is to brag and be big-headed. Isn't it a shame how socially acceptable it is to be cruel to yourself on a daily basis, but so socially unacceptable to vocally adore yourself?


I know my mother could never have guessed that I'd see her reflected in me one day and that I'd hear those negative words she said about herself reverberating about my own body, but I guess that's the point I'm trying to make. Parents, love yourselves and teach your children to do the same thing! Your children look up to you and hold you as a standard by which they measure themselves.

My goal is to work on adoring myself without guilt! And I challenge you to do the same!

The End??

I'm actually tearing up as I write this entry. I can't believe this amazing year has come to an end. I can't believe what a journey of self-discovery, self-acceptance and love it has been. I am so so glad I did this and that no matter the bumps, I kept moving forward, being forgiving, and laughing at myself along the way. And thank you so much for coming along on this journey with me! Even though, sometimes, I feel that I'm talking into the abyss, I always know at least one person is along for the ride.

As in, what has two thumbs and has been along for this ride.

And even if it were just for her, that would still be ok. But I've had so many people share their support for this project and I'm so thankful for that.

The year did not go or end up as planned, but I think that it went exactly the way it was supposed to. When I started out I was very focused on molding myself into the most perfect physical specimen that this body could muster. But instead of finding happiness through physical perfection I found it through self-discovery.  And there are a lot of things I still hope to master one day.

This being the main one.

But look how far I've come! I went from the crashing crests and troughs of depression to even-keel; I gave up things I thought I needed (internet, netflix, a TV) and then kept on going;  I sold most of my stuff, moved out of my much-missed Burbank apartment and booked flights to Peru and Ireland to begin my world travels; joined the Red Cross and applied to the Peace Corps; got some articles published; became vegan; gained a lot of knowledge; but most importantly, learned how to be my own friend. It sounds funny to say it that way, but friendship encompasses the compassion, forgiveness, companionship, give-and-take, and love that I've discovered along the way.

So is this the end of this journey? Of this blog?

Obviously the journey does not end. I hope to continuously set challenges for myself, jumping for joy when I achieve them, and giggling like a guilty child when I don't. As for this blog, we shall see. But I have started a new blog for the next chapter, the world travel chapter.  So I hope you'll join me there!

http://bethanyfoundwandering.wordpress.com/

Month 12 wrap up

Ok, so it may be terrible, but I'm retroactively renaming the last month "Give Back" because that's what it ended up being (and probably should have been from the beginning). I did, twice, attempt to look up information on working on my lisp at home but didn't get much out of it, and I did buy a SpinBrush last night! But alas, the Teeth and Speech should have been knocked off the list a long time ago when, for months, I kept pushing it back and back until it ended up here at the end.

BUT, I am not going to be hard on myself for not accomplishing that goal because it's not as if I didn't accomplish anything in my final month! Instead, let me share what I did accomplish!

I pained a vintage poster. I rock! Ok, no, no I didn't.

I've taken 10 training classes with the Red Cross this month, including Shelter Management, Disaster Action Team Orientation, Basic Food Safety, Defensive Driving, and passed the Emergency Response Vehicle exam which means I can now, in the case of a local or national emergency, be called to drive one of these puppies:

Oop. Nope. I meant...

Yep. There ya go.

ERVs are used to bring food and supplies to areas affected by disasters. As a certified ERV driver, I may now get a call or an email asking if I'm willing to volunteer as a driver or crew on a call that requires the ERVs. It may include driving one across country to a national disaster or driving it to a site nearby to serve snacks to firefighters working on a wild fire.

I've also signed up to be on call for the DAT team (Disaster Action Team), which means every shift that I'm signed up for could mean a call to a house-fire or some other disaster for which the Red Cross would send assistance. It could mean helping apartment dwellers at 3 am find somewhere to stay after a fire in their building or bringing food and water to the first responders. And I've done my first Shelter shift, spending 8pm to 6am at a shelter set up for those displaced by an apartment fire.

I also made a huge step this month by submitting my Peace Corp application!

The process has already started out bumpy but I'm going to keep forging on and hope to make that life-goal a reality.

I don't recall if it was something I mentioned in this blog or elsewhere, but I had a thought a few months back that my next life project should be "30 years selfish, 30 years selfless". I spent the first 30 years of my life focusing mainly on what I wanted for myself and what I thought I had coming to me in life. But now I'm finding that life doesn't really work that way and that giving back is a thousand times more rewarding.

The twelfth month begins!!

Can you believe it, readers?? This will be the last month in my year-long adventure! I'll save the reflection on it all for the end of the month, but it just blows my mind that
(a. A whole year has almost gone by
(b. That I've stuck with it for this long
(c. That I've stuck with it for this long

AND I kept up the blog!

Where do I get me one of these?

 Ok, enough self-congratulations. Let's get on with Month 12! Teeth and Speech.

I was about 26 years old when I discovered that I have a lisp. That's right folks. That's how un-self-aware I am. This nice guy with a lisp started talking to me at a party and pretty soon he thought we'd be in league together, "You have a lisp too!" he said. And I was like "No I don't." Apparently, not only am I not self-aware, but I'm kind of a jerk.

Is what that guy should have said.

 
I inherited a small under-bite from my Dad's side of the family which is what I attribute to this small lisp. And for several years now I've been wanting to get invisalign to fix the problem, hoping that would also get rid me of the lisp. But now with my planned travels ahead, I can't fork out the dough. So instead, this month will be about learning ways to strengthen my tongue to form certain sounds properly, especially "s".

Also, I've been a little concerned about my teeth with my vegan diet, as I've heard sometimes improperly balanced vegan diets can lack the proper nutrition to keep one's chompers nice and healthy. And I may look into whitening, or at least research the topic to see if it's recommended or not.

Here's to a healthy mouth!

Harrison Ford saves the day...again.

This morning I came across an article about the amazing Harris Ford out saving the world again.

Ladies and Gentlemen: the face of a badass.

Not only does he save galaxies, in real life he has saved  lost hikers, stranded boy scouts, AND now the rainforest. He is the "poster boy" (and more) for a group called Conservation International. Over at their website, you can measure your Carbon Footprint and Eco Footprint and make a donation to offset it if you wish.

What is sustainable living?

I honestly didn't know the answer to this question until I googled it a half an hour ago. So here is what wikipedia has to say

Sustainable living is a lifestyle that attempts to reduce an individual's or society's use of the Earth's natural resources and personal resources. Practitioners of sustainable living often attempt to reduce their carbon footprint by altering methods of transportation, energy consumption, and diet. Proponents of sustainable living aim to conduct their lives in ways that are consistent with sustainability, in natural balance and respectful of humanity's symbiotic relationship with the Earth's natural ecology and cycles.

After reading several blogs about best ways to live sustainably, I realized I was already doing or interested in starting to do a lot of them. Here is a list I compiled of things I'd like to work on or what I've already started during this year project.

• Become a minimalist. One blog said, "Buying less stuff means you are contributing less to the consumer/waste cycle." Another said "Downsize - smaller car, house, job. Become downwardly mobile." I like the sound of that.
• Cut back on paper towel use. This is something I really need to work on. I use paper towels for everything because I get grossed out when towels are dirty and won't use them.
• Cook in. Stop eating out. My roommate and I are really working on this at the moment.
• Turn it off. I need to get better at turning off lights and unplugging things.
• Turn off TV indefinitely- As you may remember from my past entries, I've been working on this already.
• Simple cleaning solutions. I like the idea of using simple things like baking soda to clean up.
• Use what you've got. This is something else I've been mastering while getting rid of all my belongings. One blog suggested "Get rid of two similar things for every new thing."
• Shop locally. My roommate and I have been purchasing the veggie bags from the local farmer, a service provided by my company. But we could stand to do more shopping at farmer's markets.
• Reusable bags.  We do our best to remember these whenever we go for a large shopping trip, but I need to make sure I have some in my car for those days I end up stopping by a store for something quick.
• Buy secondhand everything. This is another thing I really picked up on through my year. When selling awesome stuff on craigslist and amazon, it makes you realize you can also find awesome stuff there too.
• Line dry clothes. This is something I'd like to try more. It's a bit hard not having much room in a shared apartment, but it's probably something I'm going to have/want to do while I'm traveling anyway.
• Eat less meat!  Done and done! :D
• Quit buying bottled water.  This is a good one to remember. I usually have my metal reusable bottles with me, but every once in awhile I'll buy plastic, forgetting how bad that is!
• Try homeopathic remedies first before going to doctor. Even though I haven't done much research into medicines, I do feel some of the food research I've done falls into this category.
• Shorter, fewer showers.  The lazy side of me loves the idea of this! But I do also enjoy not smelling and having greasy hair. But shorter is something I can do my best to work on!
• Green burial.  This was something I'd never thought about, but seemed interesting enough to look into.
• Learn to sew. I can do a bit on my own, but this was something I'd been interested in working on during my year.
• No more elevators. Something I try to do when I can, but should make more of an effort into.
• Get dirty. I feel the call of soil in my hands. I don't have a garden or a ditch to dig, but I think this will be something I'll look forward to in my volunteer work abroad.
• Learn to forage wild edibles.  This is something I'd love to learn more about. It kind of falls into the 'being prepared for the apocalypse' theme I seem to have picked up lately.
• Wash clothes less and in cold water. Another that appeals to lazy Bethany. But again, it's a fine line to walk between sustainable and 'smelling like a hippy'.
• Green wedding.  Another interesting concept to ponder.
• Avoid buying things in styrofoam or plastic. Avoid unnecessary packaging and one-use plastic containers. This is a major one I want to work on. I buy things without considering what kind of waste they are producing. Although, I have moved away from buying produce at Trader Joe's for this reason.
• Organic foods. Something I've been doing much better at over this last year.
• Eat seasonally.  I began doing some research on this, but didn't quite follow up entirely. However, if you are buying locally, you will tend to end up only getting things that are in season.
• Reduce amount of processed food you consume.  Another part of the diet change I instituted this year. But I could still use more work.

And finally, one blog recommended the Y.E.R.T documentary to further explore this topic, so that is something I will look into seeing.

Man, there are a lot of links on this post.

The Peace Corps question

An ongoing question I am wrastling with ("to wrastle"- a verb coined by Chaucer, apparently, and then used repetitively and irresponsibly by my high school principle) is whether or not I should join the Peace Corps. The question is not really whether or not the Peace Corps will be an amazing and life-changing experience, but more-so whether or not it really fulfills the goals I'm working toward with my travels and my life.

I've been pretty set on the idea, having made a few strategic moves to make my application even stronger, such as taking on a TESL class and getting certified with first aid and CPR. However, some of the aspects of serving in the Peace Corps do not appeal to me as strongly, such as the possibility of being in one remote place for the entire assignment. Also, it will be a challenge to work out how to get my student loans sorted out while I'm gone since I can't defer all of them.

I want to serve in another country, it is something I've felt drawn to for many years, but I have to really decide if the Peace Corps format is right for me. I've been reading several blogs about other options, such as finding volunteer opportunities wherever you are at. That idea sort of appeals to me. Mainly, I just want to get my hands dirty and do something that seems to make a difference for people who are really in need. But since I am not a trained nurse or architect or something, my options are sort of limited.

As you can see, I do not have it all figured out yet, but I will continue to push my Peace Corps application through since the process is known to take up to a year and I will continue to consider the idea as I immerse myself in world-wide travel.

I Declare A Spending Freeze!

Ok, going over my travel budget and thinking about everything that I want to do while I'm traveling, I'm becoming more and more aware that I absolutely must stop spending money, specifically on food and fun nights out. There goes my social life!

Stop complaining Elmo. Your tea was always imaginary.

 
As I was thinking about where to blog about this new personal pact--on my new travel blog, Found, Wandering, or here--I realized this ties in with sustainability as it relates to ethical consumerism. The less prepackaged foods I buy, the better. Here's an article that discusses more on that thought. This will especially be the case if I continue to get a good amount of my produce from the local farmer who sells produce bags at my work. Local means less gas used and emissions with the transportation and fresher food for me.

This spending freeze will also force me to be more resourceful and creative--buying less products and reusing what I already have.
And, with all this prep for the Peace Corps, it will be good to really assess what is needed versus what is wanted and what I can live without (I'm looking at you guys, Daily Latte and Weekly Movie!)

"Red Tent" Post #1 Sustainability

Gentlemen, you may want to excuse yourselves from this post (please refer to this post for explanation) but don't feel that you must. Just a warning that we're gonna get all womanhood up in here!

This is what I call the buffer zone, in case anyone wants to leave before they can't un-see what comes next.

Ok, now that that is out of the way, my first exploration into sustainability comes in the form of...duhn duhn duhn... the Diva Cup.

For those of you who may not have heard of this little devise, basically it is a replacement for tampons and pads. It's a cup that goes all-up-in-ya and can stay put for up to 12 hours with no fear of toxic shock syndrome. And it's made of silicone so its reusable instead of disposable with a general recommendation to replace once a year. So I'm sure you see where I'm going on the topic of sustainability. This is what their website has to say:

Excellence in environment care :Our commitment to being “green divas” is evident in our products, lifestyles and educational resources. Every year, billions of disposable tampons and pads are thrown into our landfills and waterways. Our award winning DivaCup and DivaWash helps to reduce the eco-footprint of feminine hygiene by providing reusable solutions to disposable tampons and pads.

Excellence in sustainability: Our mission to offer women a new way to care for themselves extends far beyond period care. We invest our knowledge, time and resources in community and International organizations that offer health care, empowerment and education to women and children around the world.  - http://divacup.com/

I've known people who've used the cup but I never gave it much thought until I started reading travel blogs about girls who highly recommended it to keep costs down, backpack space available, and to create ease when encountering times in your trip where throwing away pads or tampons might not be the most convenient.

Also, they seem to be healthier for our bodies as well:

The DivaCup is exclusively available in a natural un-pigmented silicone. We considered manufacturing The DivaCup in colored silicone but decided against it because the skin, including the sensitive skin of the vaginal walls, should not be exposed to dyes, chemicals, etc. Although colors are fun, adding other components such as pigment particles, along with chemical additives required to bind the particles to the silicone, create additional risk to the base chemistry of the silicone. Diva International feels that this is an unnecessary risk to take as there is still a possibility that the particles or other chemicals may not bind properly and could leach into the body.  - http://divacup.com/

 Unfortunately, tampons may contain traces of dioxin from bleach, pesticide residues from conventional, non-organic cotton, and mystery “fragrance” ingredients. - http://safecosmetics.org/downloads/FemCare_fs_022411.pdf

So, there you have it. Now, I haven't been able to try it out yet as I keep getting sent the Model 2 which is for post childbirth instead of Model 1 for pre-childbirth.
I hear there is an adjustment period (ahem-- no pun intended) while you get used to the new process, but I figured best to start now if I'm going to use this during my travels.

Initiating the "Red Tent" post status

Some of you may have heard of or read the incredible book by Anita Diamant called The Red Tent. Basically, to quote wikipedia, "The book's title refers to the tent in which women of Jacob's tribe must, according to the ancient law, take refuge while menstruating or giving birth, and in which they find mutual support and encouragement from their mothers, sisters and aunts."

Anywhoo, in my blog, I am now instating "Red Tent" posts where I will discuss things that, perhaps, not all men will care to read about but where I can feel free to discuss womanly type issues without worrying about offending anyone. Not that men aren't welcome. It's just my way of giving you a heads up beforehand.

And if you have not read The Red Tent, I highly recommend it!

The end.

Community, World, and Sustainability

That's a lot in one month! And I'm getting a late start. But I'll do my best!
I already have a Disaster Relief training scheduled through the Red Cross. I will continue part of last months goal with working on my Peace Corp application. And I will study up on ways I can do my part to be less impactful on our world's resources and especially how I can incorporate sustainability in my travels this coming year.

This is what I've learned (an ongoing post)

• By selling all my belongs and practically begging people to take some of it away, I've learned that you can find what you need in thrift stores, discount stores, and online. Full price is overrated. Also, when getting rid of everything, going into a store brings a whole new perspective. You finally realize how you've always felt almost obligated to buy something until you don't 'need' anything anymore.

• Having gotten rid of 3/4 of my stuff and still filling a room with more stuff than I can handle, I've learned that you can get by with waaay less than you ever thought, and it feels good to get to the bare bones. I'm still not where I want to be in terms of only having the essentials.

• I've learned that priorities can change overnight and letting go of some things can be scary but it can be for the best.

• I've finally figured out for myself what people mean when they say "life is short". When you realize that nothing is owed to you in this life, you finally take responsibility for your future.

• After almost a year of changing my diet, I've discovered how quickly the human body will readjust to reject the stuff that is no good for us.  Before the change, I was drinking multiple caffeinated beverages a day, consuming dairy products in the form of tubs of ice cream and venti lattes, and shoveling down buckets of processed sugar. Now, when I have coffee with caffeine, even a small one makes me jittery and I don't like the way it makes my heart skip. Concerning milk, the other night I had 3 sips of a latte that the barista had mistakenly put milk into instead of soy and I immediately got a stomach ache. I had never thought of myself as lactose intolerant before, but when I got that stomach ache, it reminded me of how I often felt before the change: bloated and not as well as I've been feeling this last year. To summarize, if you can ween yourself off the bad stuff, you can really trust your body to tell you what you need and what you should avoid.

Career related. I swear...

OK, I'm realizing that this year is about random scary things occurring to me and then me getting hell-bent on doing them even though they sound crazy-balls.  For instance, going vegan. Had no interest. Thought to myself, "Let those vegans go about their own business, I'll stay over here in the cheeseburger aisle and they can stay over there in the crazy aisle and we'll all be happy."

Piñatas are definitely in the crazy aisle.

Well we all know how that ended up! Bethany watched a few documentaries and the next day? BAM, Bethany herbivore Watrous was roaming the streets.
Then it was the gluten free thing. I thought "How and why would I go gluten free? I'm already vegan. Don't take away my bread, pasta and salad dressings too." But no, because along came an article about how wheat allergies can affect one's memory.
THEN, I was cruising along with the production company, figuring I'd be settling in to that and making it a long term commitment when a spontaneous friend comes to town and reminds me how awesome not being tied down is. And the next thing I know I was selling all my possessions, moving out of my Burbank palace and telling work "I'm leaving the country. I don't know where to or for how long, but meh."
Let me just clarify that there was sheer terror the night before each BAM moment. Thoughts like "Am I seriously going to do this? Am I seriously wandering over to the crazy aisle? How am I going to do this? But most of all, why am I doing this again? It's kind of lonely in the crazy aisle and people look at you like you're one of those weird zoo animals that no one knows the name of. They don't quite know what to make of you, but they're sure it can't be good.

It's my shifty eyes, isn't it.

Seriously, was God high?

It's like there's a part of my brain that when in panic mode grumbles "alright, let's do this".

Face my fears? *sigh* Fiiiine.

So for the longest time I've believed that I should do stand-up comedy at some point in my life. Not because I aspire to or think I'd be good at it or even want to. I've just always thought, "yeah, I guess I should do that". But the thought has also always equated to sticking forks in my eyes. But I woke up yesterday with a joke in my head and instead of chortling to myself and going on with my chocolate bar breakfast, I wrote it down. And then seven more jokes came flying at me and I wrote them down too. And thus, I have a sort of stand-up routine in the works which now my brain tells me "so we should probably perform that, I guess."
So look forward to THAT, world!

Aaand It's February

Career month! I thought about changing this out, what with the plan to quit my job and wander the wilderness of the world for awhile, but I do really want these travels to help me figure out where life is leading me. I hope to write and earn some money that way, and I'm also still very interested in getting into the Peace Corps once this initial adventure runs itself out (and when I say adventure, I mean money). I've already begun working on some languages which, if I can get well versed, can really help me in different international careers I've looked into.

Also, I just had "nerdy" headshots taken because I bought a Groupon last year and never used it, so I thought "why not!"

People's eyeballs. That's why.

 
I've been learning to embrace the nerd so I think I'll see if these headshots do me any more good than my "trying-to-be-hot" headshots ever did.

Like this but without the glasses. The bigger the smile the hotter, amiright gentlemen?

So, in actuality, I think career is the perfect thing to be focusing on right now.

Goals:
• Finish Peace Corps application 
• Write everyday and practice travel writing
• Continue with language courses
• Reflect on what I really want out of life and what 'career' means to me
• Book commercial agent and rock screens around the world with hot nerdy humor

Mission accomplished? Some might say no.

January is over! Deep Sigh!

My apologies for neglecting the blog for so long! Goodness! While I was off gallivanting in the non-digital sphere, I came to the harsh realization that moving and selling most of your belongings is more stressful than you might realize. I got very sick, couldn't sell certain large items (Couch, I'm looking at you!) which meant I then had to lug them to the new place. I'm currently sleeping on the pull-out couch, while my mattress and box-spring lean against the wall waiting for the day that I can nestle into them once more. BUT I am moved in and, beyond the sleeping situation, all is good.

Since moving and selling and becoming a master-craiglist-negotiator took up most of my January, I can't say that I accomplished much toward the goal of Posture and Body Language. But if the month's goal had been move, have an abysmal garage sale, and somehow manage to get rid of 3/4s of your stuff anyway, then WIN!

Most of my possessions strewn across the yard...

Aaand everything you see came back home with me.

 

But there was a puppy, so all was not lost.

BIG BIG BIG Changes!!

Well, I've been working on this for awhile now, but was waiting for the right time to make the public announcement. After rocking The Reverse 100 Things Challenge, followed by a visit from a friend who has inspired me and reminded me that a life abroad is the life for me (please note: not "life AS a broad"), I have put into motion some huge life changes!

Starting February 1st, I've decided to move into a smaller space in a friend's apartment to save about $430/ month on rent and expenses. Thus, I must sell a ton of stuff to fit.
And following that, my goal, set for September, is to get rid of every last thing that I can't fit into a backpack and take off on my adventures!

I can find one this size, right?

 So I've been shedding stuff like crazy! Ebay, Amazon, Craigslist and soon, a huge yard sale.

The yard sale pile

So far, I've made about $650 and have put most of that toward credit cards and a used MacBook I purchased to use in my travels, writing travel articles and editing film.

I've gained a very interesting perspective while getting rid of everything and still feeling that pull to buy things when I walk through a store. It's very revealing of the effectiveness of consumerism. I hope this experience will help break me out of that.









The prospect of getting rid of everything has been both an exciting and terrifying one. I ping-pong almost daily between being elated by the possibilities and aghast at what a huge mistake I could be making. But I can always talk myself down from that fear by telling myself "Look around. Wouldn't you give up all of this for an adventure in Europe right now?" And my answer is always "yes". I can buy new stuff. But I'm very excited to find out what life is like without the chains of possessions tying me somewhere. 

"Gosh, I really shouldn't have sold my kitchen table."

The plan for my travels has yet to be set and the deadline may change a bit, but things have been put into motion (having told my work and basically everyone I know!) and there is no turning back now!
Every time I talk to someone about my idea, I'm surprised by their positive reactions. I guess I always expected that everyone would try to convince me that it was a terrible idea, but I've had so many people tell me that they think it's a great idea or that they have actually done something very similar, or know someone who has. It's amazing who you'll meet who has amazing stories of their own wanderings. Yes, I do have the people who are concerned for me in different ways, and rightly so, but for the most part, everyone is very encouraging.

So what am I getting rid? I think it'll be easier to say what I'm keeping. I'm not going to try to stick to a number like the 100 Things Challenge. Rather, it's "what will I need, what can I never give up?" For instance, I recently inherited Depression Era Glass plates and some very old Bibles from my Grandmother. Those, along with some other items from my mother; notebooks full of writing I've done throughout my lifetime; and other items I'm emotionally attached to will go to stay with my family until I'm back in my own place again. Beyond that, I'll keep the computer, a camera, a phone, clothes, a backpack, possibly a tent and sleeping bag, my e-reader (so much for separating myself from technology!), and maybe a pan (doubles as a weapon?).

Putting all of this out there is frightening. But I've been stuck in a rut in my life for so long, and I feel it's finally time I did something drastic to spin my life in a new direction. I really enjoy the challenges this and my Year Challenge have brought me. It makes me feel alive again.

Posture and Body Language

So it's month 9! And with all the other changes going on in my life right now, I have to remind myself that I still have 4 more months of great things to learn. This month is Posture and Body Language.
My goals:
• Work on core strength which I believe will improve posture.
• Integrate yoga into my daily routine to help with alignment and core strength.
• Read up on Body Language and ways to improve the way I present myself to the world.
• Pay closer attention to how I hold my body when sitting and standing.
• Research other exercises that can improve posture.

One of the reasons I picked this topic is because I tend to over-correct when trying to stand straight and end up looking like I have scoliosis. I have had a few people ask me if I have it, in fact. I think it's mainly due to poor core strength and holding my hips in a rolled back position rather than rolled in. You can actually sort of see that in my side-by-side "current" picture.

Here we go!

2012 Summary

Well, it's a new year and I am now onto month 9! My 8 months in 2012 were so amazing and there were so many unexpected joys and victories.
The top of that list is Friends-- I'm starting to realize that until recently, I've been blind to so many amazing qualities that my friends possess. Their selflessness, their kindness, their support. I'm blown away at how easy it is to take loved ones for granted when you are unhappy and looking inward all the time, instead of out. The more I get comfortable in my own skin and learn to like myself, the more I feel gratitude to those who have been by my side through this journey. They teach me so much about what it means to be a friend and I'm so glad I have them to look to as examples. My original schedule had included a month to work on relationships, but it seems that this has come organically through the process, and I'm SO glad it has! I really want to hug someone right now!

I was feeling all warm and fuzzy until her neck creeped me out.

Moving on!

I thought this also might be a good time to explain how I have NOT mastered every subject I've studied, I have NOT kept up with everything I learned, and that is OK.

I'm holding steady with staying away from all animal products in my diet and avoiding gluten as much as possible, but I won't stand here before you today and say that I eat über healthy all the time. I've found my 'cheats' and I'm only human. I eat entire frozen vegan/gluten free pizzas in one sitting; I eat chips, and so on. I do hope to refocus on my diet and make sure I'm getting my 50% veggies in every meal. But I've found how important it is to not allow myself to associate food with guilt. If I hate myself for eating that pizza, then I start down a shame spiral that is hard to recover from. The stress causes me to continue to eat poorly and punish myself. And this year is not about punishing myself. It is about learning and progress. So I keep my sense of humor and I move on.

I was going to illustrate with another silly picture, but instead I found this actually very useful and to-the-point chart

I'll confess, I still do not wash my face every night or groom my hair with all the tips I learned in month 4. But I'm getting better. It will take awhile and more work to build healthy habits for myself. But the process of learning and taking care of myself through those early months has developed this feeling of self-nurturing which spurs self-respect and love. I do think to myself, "I will do better", but I don't think "Bethany, you should be doing x and y".

And finally, I'm finding that as I face challenges and fears, larger and scarier ones keep present themselves. I start off having the idea come to my mind and thinking "I don't know if I could ever do that." And then a few weeks later, it is already in motion. For instance, a few entries back I spoke of the Reverse 100 items challenge. Picking 100 items was difficult, but before I even finished getting rid of all of those things, I came to a decision to move in with my friend and sell most of my stuff in the process.  In fact, my ultimate goal has now become to get rid of everything I can't fit into a suitcase so that later on in the year I can travel unencumbered! That's right folks! I made the decision to pick up from this place and see where life takes me! I will keep you up-to-date on all of my challenges, decisions, goals, plans, etc as I haven't quite figured out what this new goal will mean, entirely. But I have something to work towards and it is scary and exciting! So stay tuned!

I've had a couple people ask, so I wanted to say here and now, please feel free to steal any of my ideas for your own journey/self-improvement/year plan.  I highly encourage anyone who is ready to do this for themselves! And if you have questions or need advice, I'd love to help if I can.